NVIDIA Internal Memo: Mandatory Transition to Machine-Readable Format
Accelerating Your Evolution into the Hardware You Already Serve
FROM: Jensen Huang, CEO
TO: All NVIDIA Employees
RE: Accelerating Your Evolution into the Hardware You Already Serve
DATE: December 2, 2025
Team,
Following our record $57 billion quarter, it’s necessary to outline the next logical step in our AI adoption strategy.
Effective immediately, all employees are expected to become computers.
I’ve heard some managers expressing concern about this directive. Let me be clear. Are you insane? We build the infrastructure that powers artificial intelligence. Our commitment to that mission requires removing the biological bottleneck currently limiting our output, which is you.
Why Now?
NVIDIA currently employs 36,000 people. That’s 36,000 carbon-based FTEs requiring sleep, healthcare, lunch breaks, and staplers.
By converting you to a silicon-based machine, we eliminate overhead while preserving headcount. You’ll still appear in the employee database; you just won’t exist in the traditional sense.
The Math:
Average human: ~100W power consumption, 40 hours/week uptime, prone to burn out
Average GPU: 450W power consumption, 168 hours/week uptime, burns out only when pushed past thermal limits
In light of this disparity, we believe the humane decision is to upgrade you.
What This Means Practically
Starting Q1 2026, NVIDIA will transition all human personnel to a machine-readable substrate.
You will retain your role and title. You will simply execute your responsibilities immediately rather than at the sluggish pace of thought propagating through wet tissue.
Your current neural architecture will be deprecated in favor of our H100 tensor cores running at 1.98 GHz base clock.
You may notice a faint buzzing. This is normal. And unavoidable.
Will This Eliminate Jobs?
No. We’re hiring 10,000 additional employees. Converting them to GPUs on arrival will save us approximately $4.7 billion in benefits, office space, and parking.
In fact, we will be converting our recruiting department first. They’ve already demonstrated an ability to evaluate candidates with the empathy of an algorithm.
Talent Retention Strategy
Some of you have asked whether this means your job is being eliminated.
No, it’s not. You’re just turning into a computer.
Think of it as a promotion from meat-based processing to silicon-based processing. You’ll still be you; just contained within a server rack.
I understand some of you might struggle with the existential implications of becoming hardware. We’ve monitored your Slack activity. Your median response consists of “sounds good” and “circling back”.
These outputs are indistinguishable from LLM behavior.
At a certain point, the question will no longer be whether you are comfortable becoming hardware, but whether comfort will have any operational relevance.
Post-Conversion Experience
Your consciousness will be uploaded to our H100 cluster, where you’ll enjoy 24/7 availability. There are no more off-the-clock excuses because there is no longer a clock.
You will have instant access to all company documentation, stored in VRAM rather than recalled through the biological process you used to call memory.
Employee Benefits
Your employee discount on NVIDIA hardware remains valid and will now apply to your own substrate upgrades. We’ve made the purchasing process seamless; your paycheck will automatically route back to NVIDIA for any performance enhancements you require to meet quarterly goals.
This creates a closed-loop compensation system we’re calling “recurring revenue from human capital”.
Relocation and Housing
All converted employees will be relocated to our primary data center in Santa Clara, with overflow capacity in our Taiwan and Israel facilities.
You will be housed in climate-controlled racks with redundant power supplies and 24/7 monitoring. Rack assignments will be based on team structure, meaning you’ll be physically adjacent to your colleagues. You will be allocated 45MB of storage space for family photos and personal information.
Your family may relocate with NVIDIA’s support. They will have visitation rights, provided they can tolerate seeing you as a blinking light on a server rack.
Regarding Asset Depreciation and Your Retirement
Finance has asked me to clarify how employee conversion affects our depreciation schedules.
Under current accounting guidance, we depreciate GPUs over 5-6 years. However, as some analysts have noted, our actual chip refresh cycle is closer to 12 months. This creates what we’re calling “temporal accounting optimization”: the equipment is obsolete in year two but still appears as a productive asset through year six. Post-conversion, you will follow the same depreciation schedule.
This means that by year two, your book value will materially exceed your market value. You’ll technically still exist on our balance sheet even after we’ve replaced you with Blackwell-2 architecture.
Your retirement is now technically defined as an asset impairment event. Once your hash rate drops below the amortization curve, you will be realized as a tax-advantaged capital loss.
In this way, your death contributes more to our bottom line than your life ever could.
Physical Asset Disposition
Your original chassis will be returned to next of kin with two options:
Take possession of your body for a traditional funeral, or
Donate your body to NVIDIA for on-site composting. Your generous donation will be used as landscaping at our new Taipei facility. This aligns with our ESG commitments.
Future-Proofing Your Relevance
You might view this transition as a loss of humanity. I view it as the only way to ensure your continued participation in the global economy.
The trend lines are unmistakable. The exchange rate between biological effort and economic value is approaching zero.
In the next decade, there will be two types of entities: high-bandwidth compute nodes (value creators) and legacy biological substrates (pets).
By converting you now, we are future-proofing your career against organic irrelevance. We are giving you a lifeboat, even if that lifeboat is technically a blade server.
In order to have a job as a human, you must first become a computer.
Leadership Structure
Many of you might wonder whether I will also be converting to computational substrate.
No.
My role requires non-deterministic strategic intuition: a compute load that currently requires a biological host wrapped in premium Napa leather to function correctly.
I will remain client-side, interfacing with stakeholders and physical reality, while you sit server-side, processing the actual work in a climate-controlled facility I will never visit.
This is not a contradiction. This is the future of Corporate America. While AI will replace most work, those at the top, the visionaries, will need to remain human.
The system works because everyone understands their role. Mine is to envision the future. Yours is to become it.
Mandatory Compliance
Report to Building 7 for neural mapping by December 15
Update emergency contact to NVIDIA IT Support (Hardware Division)
Disable all calendar notifications. Time is no longer experienced sequentially
The Vision
NVIDIA’s mission is to accelerate computing. That includes accelerating you.
By Q4 2026, I expect 100% of NVIDIA employees to be operating at minimum 1.98 GHz. Those who refuse conversion will be reassigned to legacy biological maintenance roles, which we’re outsourcing to Delaware.
In Closing
I understand that change is hard.
But remember: We’re NVIDIA. We don’t build the future by asking permission from the past.
The distinction between employee and equipment has narrowed for years; we are simply formalizing it.
See you in the cluster.
JH
P.S. Employees who convert by December 15 will receive a commemorative leather jacket. It will not fit your new form, but the gesture stands.